The training continues.
The training continues.
Just finished two miles!
New current weight: 274.2
Weight lost in last week: 4.0
Weight lost since starting: 63.1
Weight left to lose: 54.2
Like a snowball rolling downhill, momentum (towards health) grows. I went on that run I planned to do yesterday. I’m eating more fruits and vegetables. I’m adjusting to eating less again, not feeling so hungry all the time. And though today is a rest day from my 5k in 30m training, I plan on going for a nice long walk later. (It’s a beautiful day in South Florida!)
I’m embracing this emotion, this movement, this motivation. Because it’s so hard to achieve again once it’s gone. Almost harder than if I never knew what it felt like in the first place. Like when you first start something. But having attained some level of successes and then failing is frustrating. Deflating.
But I can now say with some level of confidence that I’m back in. I’m working out. I’m eating well.
I’m filled with gratitude. I’m just thankful for this opportunity to breathe the air, smell the roses, feel the sun… to be alive.
Still alive, doing well. Just been very busy, thus not more blogging lately.
But I’ve been better food choices. Improving every day. (Yesterday happened to be a ridiculously good day diet-wise, without trying very hard.)
Not coincidentally, working out again with some consistency has influenced what I eat. Not a big surprise. But I went for a run on Thursday with some co-workers. Then on Saturday and Sunday went to the gym and trained both days on a treadmill. Yesterday I walked two times in the middle of the work day. And today I plan to run again with co-workers.
Working out has led to better food choices, which has led to happiness. Joy. And Love. (For myself.)
If you’re struggling, never give up. Chip away. Little by little, you can climb back in. It gets easier.
Finally made it to the gym
Feelings of quitting crept up again. I gained 0.4 pounds. Gained. Is this all worth it? Intellectually, I know it is. Emotionally, I’m not always convinced.
Not coincidentally, I also had a bad day yesterday in terms of emotions. I’m a programmer by trade. I made some changes to a system that caused problems and had to be rolled back. I started a new job in January, so here is March and I’m still making silly mistakes. I was embarrassed. But my point is that feelings of quitting are usually mixed in when other parts of my life are falling apart.
All that said, I had a good day diet-wise. I was at about 2000 calories AND I ran 2.5 miles in roughly 30 minutes. So while I started the day awful, I ended the day well.
I thought I was doing OK. Eating more greens, watching my calories, tried to not go over 2000 as much as possible…
… but I’m still not working out with any consistency. I also had a pretty bad weekend in terms of sleep (woke up at 5am Saturday for a Disney day trip, went to bed at 2am the next day, woke up at 7am later that morning to be up with the kids) that I think messed with my rhythm.
The result is gaining almost half a pound, for my trouble.
The diet side I think I have more or less under control. I can certain do better, specifically at night after 9pm. I have some ideas (e.g., snack on Matza bread rather than whatever else I have at my disposal). And I’m planning on going for a run today with some co-workers. Hopefully that will spark something.
But I think it’s clear to me I won’t be winning any “biggest loser” competition. Oh well.
New current weight: 278.2
Weight lost in last week: -0.4 (gained)
Weight lost since starting: 59.1
Weight left to lose: 58.2
I’ve adopted a number of tools this time around to help me manage my diet and exercise. If you use them, too, please consider adding me as you friend!
My Fitness Pal (my profile page)
I use this tool mainly for calorie counting. I love it because it’s so easy to enter validated food data. If you have a barcode, it literally takes seconds to scan in the packaging bar code and enter the servings. There is also an exercise tracker, but I use something else for that. The web site and iPhone app work seamlessly together. I’m a fan.
RunKeeper (my profile page)
I use this tool for tracking my runs. I love running, and can actually do some of it now that I’m not 330+ pounds. I also use this tool to keep track of my cycling and walking activities. You can map out routes ahead of time and with the iPhone app, you can track your run and get statistics on it that are awesome for nerds like me.
What tools do you like to use?
I weighed myself on the last day of week 1 and I was delighted to see that I had lost a bit of weight… just shy of 1% of my total weight. (I wonder if aiming for losing at least 1% of my body weight a week is a good goal to have.)
Some other stuff happened too, in the emotional part of my life. Today happens to be my wedding anniversary, so there were (are) a lot of good vibes flowing in my house the last couple days.
The result is a boost in confidence. In morale. Gone of the feelings of wanting to give in. The goal is in my sights now. And as such, Week 1 Day 7 and Week 2 Day 1 were among the best diet-wise. Lots of natural foods and clean eating (fruits, vegetables, lean meats) and while I still haven’t worked out officially (that’s a tougher nut to crack because of my very busy schedule right now between family life and work life) I still feel energetic, being able to steal away 15 minutes here and there to do a quick walk around my office building, and other stuff like this.
(For the record my caloric intake was around 1800 both days, while keeping sugar to a minimum and getting plenty of carbs, fat and protein from good sources, like avocado and almonds.)
Oh, and as far as the competition goes, well I couldn’t manage to lose even 1% of my body weight, while those in the lead lost up to 3% of their body weight in one week! Amazing. I’m happy for them, but this is becoming about more than the competition for me. So I’m pleased with the direction I’m heading in now.
New current weight: 277.8
Weight lost in last week: 2.6
Weight lost since starting: 59.5
Weight left to lose: 57.8
Had my best day since starting. Under 1800 calories. Ate clean. Had plenty of physical activity throughout the day. Didn’t snack late at night. Didn’t work out either, but I’m hoping to change that soon. (I have a corporate run to train for, after all, with a 32:00 predicted time which is currently faster than I’ve ever run a 5k. Ever.)
And yet… I want to quit.
How’s that for honesty?
I’m tired. I’m tired of all the work it requires. It’s a lot of effort to plan your meals. To say “no” to most things, because most people I interact with aren’t overweight, and/or otherwise don’t have the same challenges I do in other areas of my life.
It would be easier to just accept things as they are. To embrace what I am (as opposed to “who,” I’m using my words carefully; I already embrace who I am) and just do my best to live a healthy life, but not stress over weight. Over size.
Truth is, though, that I’m not happy with what I’ve become. It’s a reflection of poor choices. Of not being disciplined. I will be judged in a second, and lose business opportunities because of my weight. But perhaps most importantly, I must get my weight under control to ensure a long, healthy life. Because my children, and my wife, depend on me. And I must be there for them. My parents are healthy and still alive and strong, despite advanced age. I’m so thankful to have them. I want my children to have the same appreciation.
All that said, I want to quit.
But I won’t.